Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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