I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
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You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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