I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
So vagazzling was a success
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
