the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
