Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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