im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Shame is for Republicans.
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