Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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