Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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