some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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