Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
