i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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