WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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