Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
