do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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