Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
