chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
