Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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