loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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