so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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