Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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