Got a toothbrush?
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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