Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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