u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
