well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
