Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
