420 ftw
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
