OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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