Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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