Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
