Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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