you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
