waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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