drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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