don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize