Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
