tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
