Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
