At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
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