im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
