i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
