Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
