You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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