rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
