I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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