Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
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she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
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When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
After tacos, we're chasing women.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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