i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Bring me that man meat
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
