I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
