the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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