I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
