You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I have feelings that need drinking.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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