There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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