But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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