Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
