He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
