Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
