totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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