Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
