So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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