If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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