After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
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