Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
