i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
wow bdsm is so cute
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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