I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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